This is probably be the most difficult subject to write about because many, if not all, of us have had a reason to ask forgiveness or to forgive. It is a critical part of life, but it is not the easiest thing to do. What is it about forgiving that we find so hard to do? What happened to the ‘golden rule’ as it is often called…”do unto others as you would have them do unto you”…a very tall order for many of us. We would much rather think and many times act out, “I will do unto you and you have done to me”. You see, rooted deep within our innermost being is the desire to get even.

What is forgiveness? In the simplest terms. “to cease to blame or hold resentment against (someone or something); to pardon for a mistake or wrongdoing. We know what it means, but it requires giving up a part of ourselves that makes us feel vulnerable…exposed to being harmed or attacked again…

Do you remember growing up and you caused a sibling or a friend in the neighborhood to cry about something you had done…be it intentional or unintentional. When your Mother learned of it, she would say, “go and make up…tell them you are sorry”. And that was not all, she would then say, “give them a hug”. In most cases, this did not bring about an immediate response on your part because you did not want to do it. But, your mother’s harangue continued with the threat of a different kind of punishment. Slowly you would mutter “I’m sorry under your breath…but giving a hug was humiliating because you knew the minute your mother disappeared, the recipient of the hug would begin a chorus of “nah, nah, nah, nah, nah…you had to give me a hug”. Unfortunately it was not a genuine act of forgiveness because you were made to do it and you walk away saying to yourself, “I’ll never do that again”…and guess what…it stays with you.

Not being able to forgive or ask forgiveness is a mindset, I believe, is a form of pride (“consciousness of one’s own dignity”). It can literally change your personality to one that is sullen, becoming an island unto yourself. Forgiveness…forgiving is not only necessary but essential…that is, if you want to live a life that is good and rewarding.

The word “forgive” and “forgiveness” is used interchangeably and appears 120 times in the Bible. It is found 49 times across 27 books of the Bible. That number of times indicate the importance of forgiving and being forgiven.

I can think of two biblical stories that are good examples of forgiveness. One is the story of Joseph in the Old Testament. Joseph was hated by older brothers because he was shown favoritism by their father and he had dreams of a future time when they would bow to him. When they could take his dreams no longer, they threw him into a pit and later sold him into slavery. Imagine your brothers, “flesh and blood” selling you into slavery. Slavery then, is and will always be cruel exploitation of human beings, as well as unusual punishment. Joseph did not remain in slavery but rose to a position of prominence, honor and power…and with it, in charge of the only food supply in the land. In time, because of a famine and in need of food, the brothers did “bow” to Joseph as their need for food was great. Joseph could have used that opportunity to have them suffer the same pain, shame, humiliation he had suffered, but instead, he said to them…”As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, …So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones”.. Genesis 50:20-21 ESV… Forgiveness

The New Testament story is of Stephen, a Follower of Jesus. Stephen was one of seven men selected for his faith, his grace as well as his ability to oversee the daily distribution of food to widows. Stephen was doing great things among the people and it caused a great dispute. The dispute resulted in Stephen being put on trial for blasphemy against Moses and God, an act punishable by death…at the time stoning. Even though Stephen gave a detailed historical account to prove who he was, yet he was stoned. In the process of being stoned, Stephen could have continued trying to prove his innocence, but instead…”And falling to his knees he cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” Acts 7:60a ESV…Forgiveness

That is two biblical stories, but there is one biblical account I believe almost everyone has heard and even recited…”The Lord’s Prayer”. Jesus taught the prayer to his disciples. In it, he said, “…and forgive us our debts, [some translations say sin] as we also have forgiven our debtors.” Matthew 6:12 ESV Later on, Peter, the most outspoken disciple asked Jesus, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. Matthew 18: 21-22 ESV. Think about 490 times as compared to 7. Does that not tell us forgiveness is not a word to recite, feel good about, but one we act out as many times necessary.

I would be remiss in writing about forgiveness and not admit that I too struggled with it. One particular incident was in a work environment. At that time I was quick to speak and slow to listen (I’m better now). The discourse was with a District Manager and given the environment (male-dominated) I dare say it was all my fault. However, only what I said made me the culprit. My supervisor told me to apologize because I didn’t know if one day I would report to the person. Needless to say, I didn’t want to apologize because I didn’t think it was necessary. After a day or two, I apologized. It was excruciating to apologize, but it was only for a moment because I decided (a mindset) not to carry it around with me in the event the person did become my manager…it was a real possibility.

There was another time when a “church inquisition” caused deep, deep hurt. So much I was to the point of giving up…but one thing I know…GOD IS REAL and what I experienced was man’s doing…and not from God. Because the inquisition involved one of the teaching pastors, I had to forgive him (verbally during a one-on-one meeting). Even though he never apologized, my forgiving him helped me to be opened to hear and receive messages delivered by him.

That brings me to the last and the MOST IMPORTANT example of forgiveness…Jesus. God sent His only Son into the world to pay the penalty of sin, the debt owed to God we can never pay. Jesus was crucified on a cross, the most horrific form of death known to mankind, Even in his suffering, And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” Luke 23:34. Jesus beaten beyond recognition, nailed wrist and feet to a cross asked God to forgive his tormentors. His asking God to forgive is a compelling expression of forgiveness in the midst of extreme suffering that we are and can be beneficiaries.

Are you carrying the weight of not being able to forgive? Are you waiting to see if your thinking about a hurt over and over and over again will cause pain and suffering to the person you need to forgive. How long has it been? This is what I know and “I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic compelling, gracious – the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.” Philippians 4:8 The Message Forgive, you’ll be glad you did.

Vivian