I promise to move on to subjects that are more light-hearted; however, there are a few I must surrender to paper in order to move on. This one is very important because it is the baggage I carried for 37 years. It is my sincere hope that by writing this true account, it will help someone to drop a heavy load…burn it…bury it.

If you read the “About” section of my blog, you know I was born and raised in the plains of Alabama during the tumultuous years…(“Living with Jim Crow”). It was a time when African Americans were treated less than human, shown no dignity or respect and denied the means by which to attain financial freedom (a pitfall for African Americans to this day). I dare say it was living…more like barely existing. A friend once said of the “System” (the prevailing structure or organization of society, …the establishment) “Do you think they ever wonder how we are still kicking with their foot on our neck.” I was a victim of hate (to dislike intensely; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest). I took on a hate of my own of the “System” (at least that’s what I thought)…I HATE ALABAMA!!! It is written exactly as I would say it…animation and all. I also said, if I ever got out of Alabama, I would NEVER return. “I HATE IT!!!” Wait a minute…’I thought you were a Follower and Believer of Jesus’…I was and still am…another reason why it is necessary for me to write this to let others know we too, as Followers and Believers, are just as prone to human failings as anyone else…failings that should lead us all to repentance (A change of mind accompanied with regret and sorrow for something done, and an earnest wish that it was undone).

The migration to Illinois led to exposure to other ethnic groups (Asians, Croatians, East Indians, Germans, Irish, Italians, Jewish, Latinos, Polish, Russians, Serbians) …something I never experienced in Alabama. There could have been the same ethnic groups in Alabama, but never named as such…all I knew was “black and white”. The interaction with other people broadened my horizons of life in ways I could not imagine or think possible. You can live peacefully with other people, enjoying their cultural differences and they enjoying yours. At the time, I didn’t know this experience was preparing me for what was coming down the road.

Much later, my career took me to the West Coast to work for an Australian based company. This too was an experience I never dreamed possible…working with Australians. This work experience evolved over time and led to my working from home. During this time, a facility was acquired in Alabama. Since the acquisition didn’t affect me or my role at the company , I didn’t think much of it…just another facility. In fact, I didn’t give it a thought until I received a call…. “Miss Nelson, we know how you feel about Alabama, but would you consider working there for four months to help us out.” I am thinking ‘No Way’…BUT… there was a quiet but very distinct and audible voice…”GO”. Being asked to go help the company in Alabama was not on my radar, but it changed my life. I agreed to the four months based on a few conditions…meaning I would not go if they were not met. None were denied…not one. “Miss Nelson…If you are going, we will give you everything you need while there.” Five days later, I was in Alabama.

Here I am in Alabama, alone, and working long hours trying to “right the ship”. Over time, I was threatened by HR to call corporate if I did not go home and keep normal working hours. I finally made it home during daylight. As I drove into the complex, I saw…Asians, Blacks, Caucasians, East Indians, Latinos…five people groups living harmoniously with each other. Needless to say, it got my attention because I had not seen that before in Alabama…”Lord, is this what you wanted me to see?” A pivotal moment I shall never forget. I drove slowly to my apartment, taking it all in.

That evening was like no other in my life. As I sat alone at the kitchen table, my hating Alabama flooded my thoughts. It came to me that Alabama is lines of demarcation on a land mass; however, without people within the lines, it is just that, lines of demarcation. That is when the most sorrowful feeling of remorse and regret hit me…For thirty-seven years I had been saying, “I HATE ALABAMA!!!” when I was subliminally (existing or operating below the threshold of consciousness;…but often being or designed to be intense enough to to influence the mental processes or the behavior of the individual) saying I hated a people group who had perpetrated and caused a great deal of pain. It was at that point I realized a fault that was not consistent with who I said I was, a Follower and Believer of Jesus. It was a revealing moment and it caused me to sob tears…weep. It literally hurt. I fell to my knees and asked the Lord (God) to forgive me for every single time I said, “I HATE ALABAMA!!!”. You see, more than anything I wanted to be a true, undeniable Follower and Believer of Jesus.

Many things were brought to mind that evening. Things not soon forgotten…things that would impact me, as well as my family’s future. As thoughts flooded my mind, I made a commitment to never use the word “hate” again when it comes to people. I made a commitment to remove it from my lexicon. Here’s what I know. GOD IS LOVE. You cannot say you love God and hate people. “If anyone says, “I love God, and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.” I didn’t think of myself as hating anyone. If asked that question, I would have immediately said, “No”…I don’t hate anyone.

Even though I subliminally harbored the sin of hate, God did not cast me aside but still loved me…“if we are faithless, he remains faithful…for he cannot deny himself.” 2 Timothy 2:23 ESV. “He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103:10-12 ESV.

Other things were made known to me that eventful evening, including my returning to Alabama…not as I left…but changed…weight lifted. All those years I carried baggage…weight I didn’t realize I was carrying. Weight that kept me from seeing the beauty of the place I was born and raised. Weight that kept me from recognizing the good had I learned and shared with the other people groups I had come to know and respect. Weight that kept me from seeing ALL the people who make up Alabama for who they are and what we all bring to the ‘circle of life’.

There is a time in Scripture when Jesus responded to a question about the greatest commandment. Commandments we are to obey. “…You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 22:37-39 ESV. A commandment not just for me, but for all.

The next day as I drove to work, I saw beauty I had never seen or believed existed in Alabama…the greenery…the hills…flowering trees. WOW!!! It’s beautiful…”Sweet Home Alabama”…

Vivian