For years I struggled with how I came to be…more specifically, who was my father. Along the way, I heard said of me I was illegitimate and I began to identify with being illegitimate (born of parents who are not married to each other). As I grew older, it became a source of embarrassment especially when asked my father’s name…”I don’t know”. To add insult to injury, my mother never told me anything about how I came to be; nor did anyone else. However, she never failed to say, “you look like him and act like him”…WHO??? Who is my father…??? Things were even more difficult when in a household of eight people, I was the only one with a different last name…hmmm. Needless to say, that was confusing to others as well…”I thought your name was…” It happened so often, I would respond, “I am illegitimate”. To this day, terms of endearment toward anyone as “father, dad, daddy, poppa…even grandfather” are lost to me. Those words are not a part of my vocabulary. I have never used them…ever. I went through most of my life carrying a shame I could not explain. A shame that made me feel less than. A shame that caused me to be insecure…having low self-esteem. However, questions were always in the back of my mind…”who is my father”, “does he know I exist”, “why did he leave me”?

Years later when I was an adult, I read Rick Warren’s “The Purpose Driven Life”. In it he talked about your parenting and how God used them, no matter who they were or what they did or had done, to create his special design in you. That made sense and it helped me to move beyond the shame of being illegitimate. I read the book during the time I was submersing myself in the Holy Bible. I had read in Psalm 139: 13-14 ESV (“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made, wonderful are your works…”). It was only then I realized I was special. I continued to read the Bible, learning more and more about God, but there was still a disconnect. To me He was Lord, not my Father. I could not bring myself to say it.

You are probably wondering why this article is entitled “DNA” (deoxyribonucleic acid). (It is the hereditary material in humans, consisting of about 3 billion bases, and more than 99 percent of those bases are the same in all people.) Medline Plus. There is another hereditary factor that is equally important, genes. Genes are made up of DNA, one inherited from each parent. (Most genes are the same in all people, but a small number of genes (less than 1 percent of the total) are slightly different between people. These small differences contribute to each person’s unique physical features.) Medline Plus. Voila!!! Only one percent of who I am came from my mother and father, the 99 percent from God who created me. (“My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of the, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.) Psalm 139:15-16 ESV God created me and even though my biological father was never in my life to love me, console me, help me, direct and guide me, GOD WAS ALWAYS THERE!! (“Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.”)

Psalm 69:5 ESV

In 2014, after returning to Alabama where it all began, I learned more about my biological father and why he was never in my life…that too made sense. I was also able to see his likeness in pictures I still have. All of this information, however, was anti-climatic. It really didn’t matter after all. All the puzzle pieces had come together and God, my Heavenly Father had proven His promise…”to never leave or forsake…and that I could confidently say, “You are my helper”. (“But Zion said, “The Lord has forsaken me; my Lord has forgotten me.” “Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.”) Isaiah 49:14-16 ESV

God has been with me through thick and thin. As I age and look back over my life I can see it all. He has done more than any biological father could ever do…”more exceedingly, abundantly than I could ever ask or think”. If you, like me, have suffered and are suffering the shame of not knowing who your biological mother or father is, look no further than to the one who created you…God. You have 99 percent of his special design in you. He only chose your mother and father to create a likeness for you when you see yourself in a mirror and to be recognized by others. God’s love for you is far greater. You only have to confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that Jesus is God’s son…(“The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs – heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ…”) Romans 8:16-17 ESV Believe…

God is still my Lord and Savior. However, all that that kept me from approaching Him in a more familiar way is gone…gone!! Because I confessed and believed Jesus, I have received the Spirit of adoption and a child of God. Because of that relationship and my trust in Him, God is my Father. I have the DNA He created in me and I get to call Him…ABBA!!!

Vivian