Twice in my life I have been abandoned (forsaken or deserted). The first time at age 16. The parents in the house joined the migration north to find a better way of life. I was left with five other children, the youngest age seven. At the time I didn’t think much of it because I was the oldest and had to always be responsible…at least that is what I was told. For nine months, I was responsible for my siblings in every way…cooking, washing clothes on my hands, ironing, cleaning, school and homework…every thing…all while going to school myself…and that’s another story. If you are reading this and thinking surely there was someone to help or somewhere to go to get help. Don’t forget this was Alabama and and I was only 16 and those around me were on a “shoe string” budget themselves…including the ‘church’ we attended every week. However, being in church was my escape…I could sing and for a short time forget about all I had to do alone. As I think about and write this, I can’t say I know how I (or any of us for that matter) survived that time…only by the grace and mercy of God. (“For my father ad my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in.”) Psalm 27:10 ESV I have thought many times there was a benefactor who silently paid the utilities and rent…that too was God’s providential care…(“Bless be the Lord! For he has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.”) Psalm 28: 6-7 ESV That time marked my life in many ways. It taught me how to survive against all odds. There was another time I was abandoned. This time it involved no one else…just ‘me, myself and I’.

In time my mother returned to move us “up north”. I can’t say everything was “coming up roses”. Many times I thought we would have been better off where we were. So many things were different. Even though I had read stories of the “up north” way of life, nothing prepared me for it….Nothing. It was literally starting over…a new and different way of living. Life as I had known it was over…weather, living conditions, school, infrastructure even churches that were seemingly all “store fronts”. The migration occurred during the height of the Civil Rights movement and by the time we arrived, much of what was in the area we landed was charred…burned. It was scary to say the least. I had no clue…how to start, where to go, what to do. Here again, the bright spot was “going to church”. Even in the small, cramped store front buildings, I could sing songs of hope and deliverance while learning from those around me how to survive…(“For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken.”) Psalm 62:5-6 ESV

I had yet to finish high school and desperately wanted to attend college. Never mind I didn’t know how that would happen. As things would have it, the school administrators thought it necessary to repeat the previous year upon learning I was from the south. Repeating the previous grade was not an option and returning to Alabama to finish school was not an option either. Being left alone with five kids gives you boldness and courage to speak up. I asked to be given a test. Of course that had never happened before and the school administrators literally laughed…’sure we will give you a test’. Here again, God was with me. (“…fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”). Isaiah 41:10 ESV. Much to their surprise, I exceeded their expectation…passed the test…and was told I could not only proceed to the next grade, but choose the classes I wanted to take…the exception being the Physical Education classes I had not taken. Well…what do you know…my southern education was not inferior after all. The test served another purpose…an awareness of my scholastic ability…my way to college…(“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and pray to me, and I will hear you.”). This passage of Scripture speaks volumes to what was coming…

Another test proved beneficial…the ACT. Taking that test not only paved my way to college, but also a full ride, all expense paid to any in state institution…a dream come true. At the end of the school year, the county had a mobile unit on the school’s premises to give free x-rays. I reluctantly followed along with other students to get an x-ray. This event was the beginning of my worse nightmare.

The week I was to report to school for orientation, I received a phone call to come down to the County Health Department….”we see something and want to make sure”. I couldn’t imagine what they saw. The details of the next two weeks are too many to write in this space, but I vividly remember them all. In the end, what they saw was Tuberculosis…”You are a very sick girl”. “I AM NOT SICK!!!” “I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL…tears flowing like a river. I was admitted to the Municipal Tuberculosis Sanitarium (MTS) for nine months…away from everything and everyone. Total isolation. I couldn’t go out and no one could come in…each day the same…Streptomycin shot, INH PAS and a red foul tasting cough syrup. It was the most miserable time of my life. A heavy, dark cloud of depression gripped me like a vice…becoming tighter and tighter. In time, I learned to will myself to sleep no matter what time of day it was…my escape from the reality and situation of being institutionalized. My hope for a brighter future gone….gone and taken away by Tuberculosis.

Even in the most difficult and trying time of my life, God was faithful. No one from my family came to visit nor did any of the few people I had met along the way. But, as things would have it, I was placed in the room with a loving and caring woman who had no children. We immediately bonded. She providing the support and encouragement I needed and I becoming the daughter she never had. She was indeed an angel sent by God. I would not have made it without her.

Time progressed and I was placed in a ward with seven other people, leaving the person who helped me out of depression behind. This move, however, was not without purpose as it afforded me an outlet with individuals of all ages, different backgrounds and stories that helped me to laugh. I never thought I would laugh again, especially not in MTS.

After nine months of medication and testing, surgery was recommended to remove the cavity in my left lung. During the nine months time of treatment, it did not get smaller or larger. I had witnessed what had happened to some after surgery and told the review board, “I want to go home.” I was released with a dire prediction…”You will never be in good health and your physical activity will be limited.” I didn’t let that stop me. I went straightway to the “store front” church and asked for prayer to be healed of Tuberculosis. (“Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise.”) Jeremiah 17:14 ESV The Lord was my praise then and still is now. It is my joy to give Him praise.

If you have been abandoned, feeling abandoned and the dark cloud of depression has overtaken you, I understand. I have been there and I am here to tell you from experience…I would not have made it in or out of MTS if not for God. I confessed and believed Jesus to be the Son of God at an early age…not knowing how much it would benefit my life. He proved and continues to prove himself faithful to me…helping me through Tuberculosis and many other difficult situations…illnesses. (“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do no fear or be dismayed.”) Jeremiah 31:8 ESV.

When life trials and difficulties come your way…and they will. This is what I KNOW…(“And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we as, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.) 1 John 5:14 ESV. I’ve tried it and I know it is true! Confess and Believe and you too will be a recipient of that promise. Praise God…I am healed of Tuberculosis!!!

Vivian